I wanna be Al Yankovic
So freakin' bad
With white and nerdy fans I never had
Like Oprah I would start my own
"Al" Magazine
With Bundy, Sharpton, Qaida, Gore, and Green

Oh, every time I hear a song
My brain regurgitates it wrong, yeah
So all the words I sing along
Are abnor-mal!
I'd be every fangirl's pal
If I could be Weird Al

Yeah, I'd be crashin' Alapalooza
In my Belvedere Cruiza
Rockin' polka medleys of
John Phillip Sousa

I'd be an Amish celebrity
Losing on Jeopardy
With shirts like Nick Nolte
And hair that's Def Leppardy

I'd pimp the grapefruit diet
Go on eBay to buy it
I'm no Jerry Springer
But in France I'm a riot

I love Rocky Road, I'll
Get Kinky with Yoda
Gotta boogie like the biggest ball of
Spam in Minnesota

I'd make my roaches wear slippers
Fall in love with the Skipper
Or an anorexic codependent
Bingo addict stripper

I hear Al wants a new duck
That will teach him to swim
I guess it really must suck
To be a rock star like him!

I never think a song is done (The toast is done, the toast is done)
Until you add accordion ('Cause I perform this way, baby!)
I pray for one more Naked Gun (Me and OJ)
'Til then I shall
Sing about my root canal (Drill me!)
When I become Weird Al

Duh-Duh-Duh-Dare to be Stupid
Duh-Dare to be Stupid

I'll be the quirkiest! The smirkiest!
My turkey neck's the turkey-est
Of all the Albuquerque songs
I'll write the Albuquerque-est

I'll kick some pancreass
In this dog-eat-dog business
With my billionaire bikini
Supermodel astrophysicist

I'm pretty fly for a reverend
In bolognaphile heaven
Making albums in 3-D
Which, cubed, is 27

I'm buyin' me a Cuisinart
On Craigslist they're on sale tonight
I'll be the king of waffles, king of suede
And king of cellulite

I would tell your iguana
It smells like Madonna
But right now Nirvana
And I just don't wanna

And if money won't buy happiness
I'll just go and rent it
So listen up, you weasel stompers:
Stay demented!

I wanna be Al Yankovic
So fetchin' bad (Even worse)
I promise I'll be mellow when I'm dead (Like a car battery)
I wanna do the Today Show on
All-"Al" TV (On UHF)
With Roker and Capone and Al-i G
(H-O-D-A Hoda! What up!)

They say I'm close but no cigars (You're pitiful.)
To radioactive CNR's (Chuck. Norris. Revisited.)
From a planet near Bruno Mars (Freddie Mercury?)
I'd puke Cristal
And I'd be Harvey the Wonder Hamster's pal
If I could be Weird Al

Stuh-Stuh-Stuh-Stuck in the drive-through
Wuh-With Vanna White, dude

I wanna be Al Yankovic (Me too.) (Me three.)
So stinkin' bad

"I wish I could be Weird Al too. Wait - I am Weird Al. Ha! Cool! Ha-HA!"

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