PART 4: RED AND GREEN (to "Us and Them")

Red
And green
The Christmas shows
Begin way back at Halloween

Pills
And booze:
The reasons why
The Grinch routinely screws
The Whos

Scrooge! the ghost cries
In his room
Now his bed's not dry

Does Santa exist?
There's a Miracle twist:
Junk mail takes his side

Heat
And Snow
One Miser's 101
One's 10 below

Fake
Or real?
Ask Charlie Brown
His tree will really seal
The deal

George, says his wife,
It's a Wonderful Life
You're Bedford Falls' best guy

Ralphie, son,
With a Red Ryder gun
You might shoot out your eye

Fred
And Bing
The Holiday Inn
Has ragers every time they sing

Egg
Eggnog
Helps Chevy Chase
Face Cousin Eddie and his dog

Out of the way!
There's a big-ass sleigh!
The Burgermeister cries

And raise up your glass
To Rankin and Bass
Or Rudolph dies!

PART 5: CHIMNEY DAMAGE (to "Brain Damage")

A herd of deer is in the sky
A herd of deer is in the sky
No time to stop
They've got too far to fly
Guess what "rain" in "reindeer" must imply

A herd of deer is on the roof
A herd of deer just smashed my roof
The eaves collapsed beneath the weight of forty hoofs
Say Santa Claus ain't real but I've got proof

And if your house breaks open where the reindeer stroll
And if your home insurance says it's bull
And if the lawyers say sue Santa for the hole
I'll see you at the North Side of the Pole!
(Ho Ho Ho!)

Now Santa Claus is in my house
Yes, Santa Claus broke in my house
I call the cops
I scream in vain
But 911 thinks I'm insane

I spray the Mace
He bolts through my chimney
Now something's in my sock but it's not me

And if you don't count
This assault right here
I've been a damn good boy all year (Naughty boy! Naughty boy!)
So fat man, if you've left another lump of coal (Hey hey hey!)
I'll see you at the North Side of the Pole!
(Ho Ho Ho!)

PART 6: ALL THAT AND A BAG OF GIFTS (to "Eclipse")

All that you drive
For all freaking day
For all that you shop
Oh, you'll pay

And all that you gain
From all that you eat
All the dead weight's
All you keep

And all that you drink (Pour a drink!)
'Cause all of that snow
Is all that you scrape,
Dig, shovel, and blow (You blow!)

And all you'll exchange
Or else you'll return
'Cause all that you've spent
Is all that you earn

And all that you wreck
In every hall you deck (Deck the freakin' halls!)
From all that you fight
With every blinkin' light

It's all you could charge
But all that is left
Is all the debris
And everything under the tree's been consumed
And you'll pay off the bills until June!

There is no North Side of the Pole, really.
Technically, from here, it's all south.

The North Side of the Pole parts 1, 2, 3, and 7
© 2004, 2010, 2011+ Spaff, LLC