Spaff.com "I Heart Thanksgiving" parody of America's "Sister Golden Hair"

I ♥ THANKSGIVING
Parody of America's "Sister Golden Hair"
Lyrics by M. Spaff Sumsion

PERFORMED BY ROBERT LUND
Play/Download from The FuMP
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Well I tried to make it Monday
But the hailstorm closed O'Hare
So I carjacked me a Hyundai
Nineteen hours and I'll be there
I've got no more paid vacation
And your family's always rude
But I'll bust my butt to get there for the food

Well I keep on thinkin' 'bout your
Sister's boysenberry pies
And the sweet potato casserole
Brings teardrops to my eyes
Though there's shloads of carbohydrates
And the fat-gram count's obscene
It's my first excuse to gorge since Halloween

Will you feed me rolls and drumsticks?
Will you heap beans on my plate?
Will you stuff me till my bum sticks
Out where your chair can't bear my weight?

Though my seams are ripping
I don't mind saying
I ♥ Thanksgiving

Well I keep on thinkin' 'bout those
Pilgrims' 1620 feast
It's their fault that my blood pressure
And cholesterol increased
If you want help washing dishes
I've devised a brilliant plan:
I'll just fall asleep and blame the tryptophan

Will you feed me till there's nothing?
Will you feed me broiler loads?
Will you stuff me full of stuffing
Until my gastric tract explodes?

And if I'm still living
I'll keep on saying
I ♥ Thanksgiving

(Gob-gobble, gob-gobble...)

Go easy on those cranberries, old lady! I haven't had thirds yet!