Spaff.com "Spank Me, Lance" Parody of Men Without Hats' "The Safety Dance"

Sheryl Crow looks different without makeup.

SPANK ME, LANCE (The Tour de France Song)
Parody of Men Without Hats' "The Safety Dance"
Lyrics by M. Spaff Sumsion

PERFORMED BY ROBERT LUND
Sample/Download from the Mad Music Archive

T (T-T-T)
O (O-O-O)
U (U-U-U)
R (R-R-R)
D (D-D-D)
E (E-E-E)
Tour de (Tour de)
France (France France France)

You can race if you want to
You can ride on your behind
But you're just not Lance and if you're not Lance
Well you'll - get left behind

I say, You can train if you want to
And you can master your domain
But if you think you'll outpace the seven-time ace
You're just singin' Indurain

Tour de France
Fran�ais!

Ah, You can try if you want to
And you may never stop to pee
But you'll despair, mon fr�re, when he whips derri�re
From Fromentine to Gay Paree

I say, You can speed if want to
Through the vineyards and the hills
But dude it's guaranteed you'll never take the lead
You're gonna learn how Jan Ullrich feels

You'll say
Freakin' Lance! Freakin' Lance! Gettin' more fans than the pope
Freakin' Lance! Freakin' Lance! We're checkin' out your butt for dope
Freakin' Lance! Freakin' Lance! Hidin' booster jets in your pants
Freakin' Lance! Freakin' Lance! Won'tcha give the Frenchies a chance?
Tour de France
Oh yes the Tour de France
Ah oui le Tour de France

S (S-S-S)
P (P-P-P)
A (A-A-A)
N (N-N-N)
K (K-K-K)
Me (Me-me-me)
Spank me (Spank me)
Lance (Lance Lance Lance)

You can hope if you want to
But I think that you should know
Le cancer du testicle
Don't slow his bicycle
Or the babes like Sheryl Crow

I say, you can pray if you want to
Ride a bike that God designed
But you're just not Lance and if you're not Lance
Well your - prayers get declined

You'll say
Freakin' Lance! Freakin' Lance! Stayin' in yellow for days
Freakin' Lance! Freakin' Lance! It's not my style anyways
Freakin' Lance! Freakin' Lance! Once again I'm kicked in the pants
Freakin' Lance! Freakin' Lance! Guess 2006 is my chance
To win the Tour de Lance
I mean the Tour de France
But now you'll spank me, Lance
This year you'll spank me, Lance!
(etc.)