Somebody once told me
His school would not enroll me
I wished I'd stuck with Muggles instead
'Cause I'm freaked by the occult
And I swear a lightning bolt
Was the shape of the scar on his forehead

Well!
The books keep coming and the films keep coming
And you thought Star Wars was a little mind-numbing
Must the whole world be an H.P. fan?
It's a Sirius pain in the Azkaban
So much to read! So much to knock!
Is this virus called Norwalk or Warlock?
So try every spell you've been shown
I'd rather be Sorcerer's Stoned

Hey now
You've got Hogwarts
You got floo dust - on me
Hey now
You've got Wormtail
And your friends are - Weasley
Ride that broom till you're sore
'Cause you put the dumb in Dumbledore

You've got house elves with attention disorders
And a one-track mind that's nine and three quarters
Hey, your mentor just might be a centaur
And if you've gone mad, blame Dr. Dementor
That Whomping tree's got really mean wood
For some good love call Luna Lovegood
My goblet's on fire! My butt feels worse!
Sitting through this stuff's an Unforgivable Curse

Hey now
You've got Hogwarts
And your Crookshanks - bit me
Hey now
You've got Mudblood
You've got Yule balls - yearly
My name's not Merv Gryffindor!
Eat Cornelius Fudge...

I met a male fairy
Who said, Hello, I'm Harry
I guess he'd never heard about Nair
I said, Witch!
Gimme that snitch!
You little son of a Quidditch!
And your dog's got an extra pair

Of heads!
The wolves keep howling and the owls keep owling
There's a vault full of gold here for J.K. Rowling
Tom Riddle me this: Would a snake prefer
A bird named Fawkes or a fox named Fleur?
So Peter's a rat? Hermione's a cat?
And when it's Snape's shift will he shape shift?
And is it Cho Chang or Chang Cho?
I'll never last through the last show

Hey now
You've got Hogwarts
Tell your hat to - sort me
Hey now
You're a horcrux
And you're uni - corny
All your wands are too short
And you put the emo in Voldemort

Ride those brooms till you're sore
'Cause you put the dumb in Dumbledore

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