When I was a young boy
I got my kicks from Sesame Street
Now that I'm gettin' older so much older
I've learned the place ain't so sweet
Elmo's hooked on glue
Bob's in rehab too
Lord knows just what Grover went through, baby
To turn him blue

But here's the worst of all:

Bert's no good
Even Ernie says that Bert's no good
Sometimes Oscar's misunderstood
But baby
Bert's no good

He don't practice safe sex or religion
He hides explosives in that unibrow of his, yeah
I caught him once Doin' the Pigeon
All snockered up on Figgy Fizz
I saw in plain view
His Charlie Sheen tattoo
He's on the Muppet News Flash news, baby
Assaulting Winnie the Pooh

He's quite the yellow one

Bert's no good
Even monsters say that BERT. NO. GOOD.
Sometimes Snuffy bitch-slaps Big Bird
But baby
Bert's no good

That's not oatmeal he's brewing
And don't you dare leave crumbs in bed
And don't ask what he's doing
Upstairs with those bottle caps all day long
Bottle caps all day long

Bert's no good
Even Yoda says that
No good, Bert is

Sometimes rhymes don't work like they should
The point is
Bert's no good

Bert's no good
Everybody knows that Bert's no good
Sometimes Kermit shoots up in da hood
But baby
Bert's no good

© 2005, 2011+ Spaff, LLC