Where are my guts when I need 'em the most?
A bee stung my arm and I'm white as a ghost
I scraped up my knee; I'm such a klutz
And nothing hurts more than paper cuts
But Band-Aids always fix them all

I played with your thresher down on the farm
It caught on my sleeve and it tore off my arm
You told me your pit bulls were polite
You told me your gators didn't bite
But oops they chewed my kneecaps off

Do you have a Band-Aid?
It's just what I need
To patch up these spots
Where my bullet holes bleed
And one for each cheek
I caught on barbed wire
And third-degree burns
From my hair catching fire
I need a Band-Aid
I'm sure it will heal
My leg that got crushed
By your automobile
I caught a grenade:

I need a Band-Aid

The trick is to clench your teeth and grin
I might need a couple aspirin
And maybe rubbing alcohol

D'ya have a Band-Aid?
To put on this scratch
I sat on a mine
And my butt came detached
My parachute broke
I crashed on my back
My liver popped out
And I can't put it back
I need a Band-Aid
To stick to this place
Where hammerhead sharks
Came and bit off my face
I need a Band-Aid

Sometimes you're faced with life's little scrapes
Or a slight dermal injury
When I get booboos, I smile and sing
I'm stuck on Band-Aids, 'cause you see
They're stuck on me

So where are my guts when I need 'em the most?
(Oh, where'd they go?)
They all got poked out; I'm impaled on a post

Do you have a Band-Aid?
The anti-germ kind?
To stick on these limbs
That I'm leaving behind
I might need one more
I just realized
Those alien squids
Must have sucked out my eyes
I need a Band-Aid
To unbreak my spine
My head just fell off
One more time
But I'll be okay:

You have a Band-Aid

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